January 19, 2013

Sal’s 2013 NHL Predictions

By nalstradamus
All is right with the world once again

All is right with the world once again

How many of you fellow Canadians plan on boycotting watching hockey this weekend? Yeah that’s what I thought…you’re all weak…weak I say. I’m probably the weakest of them all so I shouldn’t really talk. The start of a season means it’s time for predictions. I’ll give my predictions on the usual stuff like Stanley Cup winner, Hart Trophy winner, etc. but I’ll throw in some fun ones for kicks.

Northeast Division Winner: Boston

Even without Thomas they are solid in net with Rask. They are deep up front and on D. These are still the big bad Bruins. The rest of the division is improving, but still not close to the Bruins caliber.

Atlantic Division Winner: New York Rangers

The Penguins are the sexy pick with a seemingly unstoppable Malkin and a healthy Crosby. However, I think the Rangers will repeat as division champs. They have arguably the best goalie in the league, a solid defence that for the most part remains in tact and now add Rick Nash to the mix and this team is downright scary.

Southeast Division Winner: Washington

New coach, new Ovechkin? Can Adam Oates make this team an offensive powerhouse again? I think he will and I like Braden Holtby in net. They will get a strong push from an improved Carolina team though.

Central Division Winner: Chicago

The big question mark for this team is in net, but with any resemblance of solid goaltending will be a huge bonus for a team stacked with firepower and solid defence. Jonathan Toews is the Mark Messier of his generation.

Pacific Division Winner: Los Angeles

Really going out on a limb here eh? How can you bet against this team though? They can score, they can beat you down and they have a top tier goalie to shut you out.

Northwest Division Winner: Vancouver

They are still the best in this division, but the rest of the division is catching up fast. Minnesota blew the bank on Suter and Parise, Edmonton has the best young talent in the league, Colorado is also full of young up and comers…Calgary…well…they still have Iginla.

Eastern Conference Winner: New York Rangers

C’mon now, would Bettman and his cronies have it any other way? Not saying the NHL is fixed, but having the Rangers in the final would be a dream for the NHL.

Western Conference Winner: Chicago

Yeah I’m not picking my Canucks. I just can’t this year with them not having a 2nd line for the first month or two of a short season. The Hawks are dangerous up front, have arguably the best leader in hockey, arguably the top defensive pairing in the league and a coach desperate to win after two early exits the last 2 seasons. They are primed to win it all but…

Stanley Cup Winner: New York Rangers

Rick Nash proves to be the missing piece that pushes the Blue Shirts over the top in a tough 7 game series with the Hawks.

Hart Trophy: Steven Stamkos

Vezina Trophy: Tuuka Rask

Rocket Richard: Steven Stamkos

Art Ross: Steven Stamkos

Lady Byng: who cares

Calder: Someone other than Nail Yakupov

First player to get injured: Simon Gagne

I was going to go Sami Salo but I’m thinking the warm Florida weather some how helps his glass body

First coach to be fired: Mike Yeo

Firing a coach in the middle of a shortened season is just mean. I doubt it will happen, but if one were to go I’d say Mike Yeo in Minnesota. If he can’t deliver with all the money the owners dropped he’s done.

Biggest disappointment (player): Ryan Suter

Big time pressure with ridonk contract and now no safety net without his longtime running mate Shea Weber. I like the guy, but tough for anyone to live up to that contract.

Biggest disappointment (team): Pittsburgh

Labelled by many to be the team to beat and rightfully so with two of the best players in the world on the team. However, I don’t think they are deep enough or strong enough on the back end to outlast teams like the Rangers or Bruins.

Most improved player: Ryan Getzlaf

Not sure what happened last year, but 57 points from a player of his caliber has to be an outlier. Expect more of a point per game pace this year.

Most improved team: Edmonton Oilers

The main core of youngsters have been building chemistry the entire lockout. I’m thinking they make a huge leap and make the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed this year.

Biggest injury issue this year: Groin pulls

Concussions have been the main injury concern for the last few years, but I’m thinking we are going to see a lot of groin pulls/tears this season. With some players not being in the best of shape to start the season and no pre-season games to warm the muscles up…riiiiiiiiiiiip.

Biggest Surprise (player): Roberto Luongo

Yeah I’m a Lu lover for life, but we all know Lu will somehow, someway come back to haunt Vancouver one day. So I’m thinking once he does get shipped out he somehow screws us over in a big way. Maybe beating us in a big game to deny us a premium playoff spot, maybe Schneids gets injured soon after he leaves and were left with an unproven back up and miss the playoffs, maybe he beats us in the playoffs and urinates on the Canucks symbol at centre ice…either way we deserve it.

Player most likely to be suspended first: Zac Rinaldo

This guy is craaaaaaaaazy. I think he’s apt to just remove one of his skates one day and start chopping

Canadian teams that make playoffs: Canucks, Oilers, Leafs

Canadian team that does the worst: Habs

First goalie to lose his starting gig: Ilya Bryzgalov

He may get lost in the forest for good this time.

Player with most goals will finish with: 39

Player with most assists will finish with: 40 (Henrik Sedin)

Player with most points will finish with: 65

Will Jerome Iginla be traded: No, Flames too stubborn to do what’s best for franchise

When will Luongo be traded: After the Leafs/Flyers start the season off cold as ice…I say 7 games in

When will PK Subban be signed: After the Habs start 0-3 and Kaberle starts the season -12

Most valuable fantasy player: Henrik Lundqvist

Goalies are fantasy gold. You draft him and you can guarantee yourself a top tier finish

Puck drops in 40 minutes.

I’m jacked.

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January 11, 2013

So Gary What You Gunna Do for me?

By nalstradamus

So Gary’s sorry…yeah he damn right should be and so should all the NHL owners and the players. As I mentioned in my previous post I can’t wait to see what kinds of PR moves the NHL will try and pull post lockout. Gary says in the video above the league wants to make it up to the fans. So this post is about what I think the league should do to make us feel good about hockey again. I’ve read other articles and posts from fans and their wish list of post lockout gifts such as free tickets or free beer. In all honestly free shit is just never going to happen. Anyway, here’s my list, feel free to add in you ideas in the comments.

1) Team autograph and photo day

I lived in Edmonton from Age 5-7 and it was when the Oilers were in the middle of their dynasty. Every year the Oilers would have an autograph day where they would spread themselves all over West Edmonton mall and fans would have to go find the players to get autographs and pictures. It was always easy to figure out where Gretzky was since the line was hours long. I think teams around the league should all do a day such as this and let pervy cougars grope the players in photo opps or let old granny’s pinch their cheeks, etc. They deserve a little punishment…they’re big boys they can handle it.

Full contact autographs and pictures. Get ready Hank I'm sending my mom after you.

Full contact autographs and pictures. Get ready Hank I’m sending my mom after you.

2) A 3 day merchandise sale

The teams reap huge rewards off us suckers buying jerseys, hats, foam fingers, etc. Give back to the fans by doing a 72 hour sale. I’m thinking 50% would never fly, but I might consider dropping some cash if it got to at least 25% off and my purchase of over $100 gave me a free Canucks beer mug as well or maybe a Lu bobblehead (soon to be a collector’s item).

Come on...for 25% off you'd consider it

Come on…for 25% off you’d consider it

3) Gary Bettman comes to every arena at some point in the season to do a public apology before the game

I think it’s only fair for Gary to let us boo and possibly throw waffles at him at least once this season. This may appease some of the fans who can only get over the lockout with some form of mental abuse or violence.

Not sure why there's a pantless girl next to waffles...

Not sure why there’s a pantless girl next to waffles…

4) Monster discount on NHL Centre Ice TV package

This probably would never happen, but why not give a monster discount…I’m talking 50% for subscriptions. The league may get some suckers who fall in love with the package and end up paying full price for it next year.

5) ****(this is from the wife) Free back rubs from a player of her choice

Yeah I ran out of ideas and I asked the wife what she would want. Naturally a much studlier man rubbing her down was her choice. I see how it is…I see.

Dream on wifey

Dream on wifey

 

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January 4, 2013

Give Your Refresh Button a Rest

By nalstradamus

The most ludicrous lockout in the history of professional sports continues. The mid January deadline for salvaging a season is mere days away. Many die hard hockey fans around the globe…I mean Canada …have their work web browser locked onto a Canadian sports news site and are secretly refreshing the page every 5 minutes in hope of finally seeing the headline “Hockey is Back.”

Time theft as the boss would call it.

You reading this post at work? Thief

You reading this post at work? Thief

We’ve only thus far been focused on the greedy players, ruthless owners and the forgotten fans. However, what I’ve really come to realize is how much this lockout has exposed how ridiculous our country’s sport media coverage is. Obviously I’ve known the coverage is and always will be hockey dominated. Although, I didn’t think the coverage would still rely so much on hockey with little to nothing of substance to report on the subject on a day to day basis.

I want you to think about it. Think about the last few months. How many ground breaking developments have really come out of this labour dispute? Here is the lockout in a nutshell: the owners have a, b, c, d issues they will “die on” and the players don’t like them. The players threaten to dissolve their union, the league says go ahead and do it. The owners compromise, the players counter compromise, the owners think about it and see if they can squeeze a little more out…such exhilaration continues until both sides sign a piece of paper.

sign_here

Sounds familiar right? However, all of us hockey suckers are bombarded on a daily basis with “breaking news” developments from the lockout. The latest being the players being upset at a comment Gary Bettman made that some GM’s regret some of the contracts they made and wish they could have a way to get rid of these contracts. Is that really news? It’s obvious to anyone with a pulse that there have been some preposterous contracts in the past and also obvious that likely the GM’S who made these deals wish they could have a mulligan.

Wade Redden...whoops

Wade Redden…whoops

I feel bad for the hockey reporters and experts that are being asked to constantly report on this fiasco. To keep viewers and readers, any little story/event/action/statement is built up to be something much bigger than it really is. What’s tomorrow’s Earth shattering tweet going to be? “Bettman picks nose while looking at Fehr, NHLPA furious at disrespectful dig, may disclaim…”

I respect these reporters and I understand they too have families to feed and are just doing their job. I do look forward to their expert opinions/insights as to the winners and losers of the CBA once the deal has finally been struck. However, until that time, why get mentally abused by this emotional rollercoaster the media is putting you through when there are so many other exciting sports you can watch. So stop constantly refreshing those browsers and maybe give some of the following a gander.

The NFL playoffs start this weekend and feature exciting matchups including a matchup of 2 of the most exciting, athletic QB’s in the league in Russell Wilson of the Seahawks and RGIII of the Redskins.  If you want to cheer for younger athletes, how about tuning in to the remaining NCAA college football bowl games especially Monday’s championship game featuring powerhouses Alabama and Notre Dame. You don’t like football? Well how about checking out the rejuvenated NBA with storylines a plenty including 2 teams people love to hate in the Lakers and the Heat, emerging powerhouses the Clippers and Thunder and an all of a sudden red hot Raptors team.

Ball? (Credit Image: © Gary W. Green/Orlando Sentinel/ZUMA Press)

Ball? (Credit Image: © Gary W. Green/Orlando Sentinel/ZUMA Press)

Yeah it sucks hockey is not around, but there’s so much more out there to take up your household chores time. So grab those remotes, quit watching re-runs of Gossip Girl with the wife and take back the TV.

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December 28, 2012

Get Your Hockey Jerseys Out…

By nalstradamus

and shat on them, all over them.

Most of you have read today’s “breaking news” that the NHL has made a new offer to the players and hockey in 2013 is just a few signatures away.

Ridiculous.

Really, it shows just how much these millionaires care about you fans. I thought the NHL’s last offer was the final offer with issues that were “hills they will die on” Well miraculously, the NHL has moved off their death hills and has started to…wait for it…compromise.

These might be hills worth dying on...

These might be hills worth dying on…

This latest offer screams out to me that the owners have and had little to no intention of cancelling the season.  It shows there are no hills their dollah dollah bills will die on.  Why wait this long to start real negotiations? Why couldn’t this of started ages ago? Why? Because they knew to get the best deal you have to make the other party panic and poop themselves. Unfortunately for Bettman and the Zillionaires it appears Donald Fehr does not take poops. The owners have realized this constipation is going nowhere soon and are now trying to feed the players a nibble of a laxative.

Not sure if anyone else has likened union solidarity with constipation beforeCHRIS YOUNG/THE CANADIAN PRES

Not sure if anyone else has likened union solidarity with constipation before
CHRIS YOUNG/THE CANADIAN PRES

Now we will watch the back and forth press conferences where each leader will try and paint the other leader as Satan. And then magically mid January both sides “regretfully” agree on a new deal. The owners will claim they compromised and moved away from their death hills for the love of the fans.  The players will say they sacrificed so much because they just couldn’t live comfortably with their Bentley’s knowing little children would go a cold hard winter without watching the neutral zone trap.

Please come back fans. By the way, you like my car?(Paul Hunter/Toronto Star)

Please come back fans. By the way, you like my car?
(Paul Hunter/Toronto Star)

I can’t wait to see the amazing PR campaigns the league and players will roll out after the CBA is signed. The hockey starved suckers will fall for all the garbage hard and will gladly fork out over a hundred bucks for tickets to watch their ice gladiators battle it out for a sip of Lord Stanley’s teat.

I’m angry because I am one of those suckers and I can’t help it.

I don’t want to come back, but I know I’m weak…so pathetically weak.

I hate you NHL…

hate you

you hear me Gary Bettman and Sidney Crosby? Hate…wait does that mean the hockey pool draft is on then? Damn it

 

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December 15, 2012

Northern Knuckler?

By nalstradamus
The Knuckler bringing his talents to Yonge St?

The Knuckler bringing his talents to Yonge St?

Reports are out that the Blue Jays may be close to adding NL Cy Young Award winner R.A Dickey. This move won’t come cheap and reports have super Jays prospect Travis d’Arnaud being the piece moving to the Mets. The deal may be bigger than just these 2 players with other rumoured names such as Mets 1B Ike Davis and the Jays top OF prospect Anthony Gose also possibly moving locales.

The Jays likely already have the best starting 5 in the AL East, but this move would make it arguably the best 5 in the entire league. But is the cost worth it?

In my opinion it seems like a lot to give up for a 38 year old starter on the final year of a contract. Trading d’Arnaud means the Jays believe JP Arencibia is their catcher for the long haul. As I’ve stated in earlier posts I’m not a huge Arencibia fan. I’m a baseball purist and believe your catcher needs to be able to catch first and hit 2nd. Arencibia is a terrible defender and there’s no signs that this aspect of his game is expected to improve drastically.

Bye bye birdie?

Bye bye birdie?

The rumours of Ike Davis being thrown into this deal makes sense as the Jays would probably want some youth and control coming back to them after giving up their top 2 prospects. I like Ike Davis and he is a monstrous upgrade over Adam Lind at first base. However, Gose is a scary talent to give up on…a possible 5 tool talent that doesn’t come around too often.

I’ve been on board with every move AA has made on his road to making the Jays a playoff contender, but I’m having a hard time buying in to this one. I’m all for trading your prospects for proven talent when you are close to something special, but giving up your top 2 prospects for a 38 year old rental and a so-so middle tier first baseman is a zany gamble. Oh and for those saying why don’t the Jays just trade Arencibia and Rasmus instead…that is nowhere near close enough to get you a Cy Young Award winner.

In the end though, the Jays will be the favourite to win the AL East and having a rotation with Ricky Romero as your 5th starter is just perverted.

Ok…I think I’m starting to talk myself into liking this trade….damn it….why can’t baseball start right now!!!

 

 

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December 14, 2012

Just End it Already

By nalstradamus

It’s day 90 of the most annoying lockout in sports history. Annoying because this time around the NHL lockout isn’t over a mind blowing fundamental shift like going from a non-cap to a salary cap system. Instead the deal breakers are max contract lengths, the duration of the agreement and some mumbo jumbo about buyouts and caps on escrow.

I just don’t get why it’s really that difficult to come to an agreement where once side says 5 years and the other says 8? How about 6, or 7? Obviously I’m oversimplifying the whole thing, but it just doesn’t look like the sides are that far apart. The daily press conferences and columns suggest otherwise though. My favourite was Gary Bettman’s near tears elementary school rant after failed negotiations last week. Basically he looked like a kid on the playground who’s feelings have been hurt and just doesn’t want to play anymore.

Today’s news brings more doom and gloom with the players apparently ready to vote on disclaimer of interest. Basically this is the first step in moving towards decertifying the union and filing a lawsuit against the NHL…

 

Yawn…I just don’t give a flying f#$k anymore.

 

The owners are ridiculous because they put themselves in this mess by dishing out stupido contracts they couldn’t afford.

 

Bettman is a nard hole because he overexpanded this league to stretch not only the talent pool thinner than my overused jockeys but also ruined any hope of this league making any money by thinking the dirty south would embrace the dirty north’s game.

 

The players are dingleberries because they are fighting for the rights of the elite and not really for the Prust’s, Westgarth’s and Parros’ of the league. Do you think these types of guys really care about 5 year or 10 year contracts.

 

This league is more dysfunctional than my bowels after I’ve ingested my 3rd venti americano of the day.

 

If Bettman and his crew are serious about dying on hills over their demands, then stop dragging us fans through the mud giving us false hope and just cancel the season. I wish I could say I’m going to boycott hockey when they eventually come back, but unfortunately it’s like porn…you say you’ll never watch it again, but you just can’t stop.

 

 

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November 20, 2012

John Gibbons: Part 2

By nalstradamus

Who saw this coming? You’re lying if you say yes. (AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Nathan Denette)

When I first heard the news the Jays rehired John Gibbons as manager I farted.

Not because I was angry or happy really…protein shakes just make me gassy.

What do I think of the move? I’m obviously surprised like everyone else, but I can’t say I’m disappointed or excited…just blah.

Nothing really exciting happened in his first go around with the Jays other than his confrontations with his own players like Ted Lilly and Shea Hillenbrand.

The thing is, nothing really bad happened either.

It’s not like Gibbons has been a managerial star since he left the Jays either. He was a bench coach in KC for a bit and last year managed a double A team to a below .500 finish.

So why Gibbons?

Alex Anthopoulos is obviously familiar with Gibbons and knows him personally and professionally. He knows he can trust him and he knows for certain this manager will not leave the Jays to pursue another “dream job.” He knows how Gibbons manages and ultimately he feels strongly enough that Gibbons’ managerial style fits his new roster. From reading and listening to other reports it appears Gibbons is a laid back type of manager that players love to play for, but also someone who won’t shy away from telling a mega million dollar player that he sucks balls.

Is this hire risky? Without a doubt. It seems like AA is acting on a major hunch on this hire because as mentioned above there isn’t much recent evidence to support that Gibbons can be a winning manager. He better hope his hunch pans out because if it doesn’t he won’t be around to make another hunch.

 

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